Moonshiners and Pink Booties
by Longbourn22
Summary: This story takes place before season 5, the guys of BAU lands in jail after a very rousing bachelor's party the night before Hotch's wedding and gets into big trouble with the gals! Rated M for language! Final part  5  is posted.
1. Chapter 1

Greetings all! After all the excitement and sadness over the last few episodes in season 6, I want to go back in time…back to where everything was still kosher, well kind of. Back to before AJ Cook and Paget Brewster were to leave the show, back to before Ashley Seaver was introduced (not her fault) and oh yeah, Ian Doyle; Mr. I-can-pull-you-back-into-the-bowels-of-my-miseries.

We need some humor…team humor that is. It's been sad and dramatic all around so here's a little perky pick-a-upper!

This takes place around season 3 and 4, two of my favorite seasons!

This story wouldn't be what it is without the invaluable help of Brandywyne Walker! I've gotten to know her these past couple of months and let me tell ya, she is some awesome chic!

So, without further ado (always wanted to say that!), here's a little team story/misadventures:

Disclaimer: as always, I don't own the series nor its' primary characters.

ENJOY!

* * *

><p><strong>Moonshiners and Pink Booties<strong>

**Part 1**

He tried to lift himself up but his head began to swim and a fantastic bongo beat began in his head; fantastic? No, it was torturous as it kept on with the same beat.

Thump, thump, thump.

He tried to wave the drummer away but his hand felt like lead.

_God! What the hell is happening to me?_

He felt movement beside him and smiled, thinking it was his fiancée…soon-to-be wife.

But his fiancée was having a girls' sleepover/bachelorette party and he wouldn't be seeing her until the wedding which was the next day.

Then, who's lying next to him?

Oh damn! He hoped against hope it wasn't a prostitute or some stripper named Bambi.

He groaned as he remembered being out with Dave, Morgan and Reid… but why?

Oh yeah, his "bachelor party".

Word had leaked to Morgan that Hotch hadn't had a bachelor's party when he was engaged to Haley. The dark-skinned man had stood up and declared to those who were within earshot. "Make up time!" Morgan had laughed raucously.

Luckily for Hotch, Reid and Dave were the only ones at the bullpen at the time.

Reid had wanted an explanation on why there was a need for a bachelor party.

Dave was already thinking of where they could go.

The girls heard about the grand plan and made some rules beginning with an embargo on Strip Clubs. Dave glared at them as it was his first choice of venue. Hotch's eyes widened when he saw Dave's disappointed look; was he serious about going to a strip club?

Hotch shook his head and told Dave that the girls were right. How about a simple Barbecue party at his house? Instead of an all-male and an all-female bash, why not co-ed, hence a 'family' get-together?

In truth, he wasn't crazy about watching a bunch of young woman that looked like they were in need of some good hearty meals that contained more than 2 leaves of lettuce and a carrot stick. The body frames of these ladies made one wonder how a skeleton could walk on 4inched stilettos or those cliché hooker 5 inched clear plastic platforms? And that was their attempt to look sexy hoping those sick perverts would stick several dollar bills into their panties. Yeah, major excitement.

As he lay on the bare metal cot, he heard rustling to his far right. Along with the rustling, there were groans and moans. Hotch recognized it as Morgan; the perpetrator of this whole shebang!

"What the fuck happened? Where are we?" Morgan asked, his voice sounded gritty. "And why am I on top of Dave? Shit! My head hurts!"

Hotch couldn't bring himself to laugh; he had his own problems at the moment but he was privately glad that Morgan was suffering too! _Serves that bastard right!_

"Hey Hotch!" Morgan called out. Apparently Morgan could see his surroundings. _Damn that man! _Hotch thought.

"Hotch? You alright, man?" Morgan's voice penetrated and bounced onto the bongos and doubled the decibels in his head.

"Will you quit yelling? My head hurts too."

"Oh… Where are… Oh shit!" Morgan exclaimed.

"Oh shit what?" Hotch groused, he wished Morgan would just shut the hell up.

"Hotch! I think we're in jail!"

…

End of Part 1

Yes, they are very OOC! But come on, we really need cheering up!

Hope to hear some reviews…or lots of it! Oooh…that would be so cool!

Part 2 will be posted within 2 days!

Thank you,

Lizzie


	2. Chapter 2

Wow! Loads of hits! Thank you all who have read the first Part!

Here is Part 2 of 5.

Again, thank you Brandywyne Walker for your patience and hard work in helping me with this story!

Disclosure: I don't own Criminal Minds not its' primary characters!

Enjoy!

.

**Moonshiners and Pink Booties**

**Part 2**

"Jail? How the hell did we get here?" Hotch asked.

His vision was slowly returning as he looked about him; the cell they were in was too small to hold… they were all here; this really wasn't good. He saw that it was Reid who was lying beside him. Dave was slumped over, his head hung over the side of the other cot with Morgan bending low beside the older agent.

On other day, this situation might have been funny but something in the back of his mind was trying to tell him that it was not funny and that something bad was going to happen if he didn't figure it out soon.

He tried to shake his head but was painfully reminded that he probably shouldn't do that for the moment. Those bongo drums had taken over his head and had brought a couple of brass cymbals to keep them company.

"How should I know?" Morgan held his head in his hands. "I wish this fucking pounding in my head would stop!"

Hotch cracked a grin; it was good to see Morgan suffering as much as he was.

Aaron reached up and scrubbed his face with his hands which, as it turned out, was a painless movement so he repeated the rubbing a couple times more when he remembered something; why they had a bachelor party.

Bachelor party = wedding.

_Oh my heavens! It's my wedding!_

Unconsciously, he groaned with the pain that seemed to increase as he tried to remember things.

"What day is it?" Hotch asked, the pit of his stomach began to roil and it had nothing to do with the amount of beer he had consumed earlier.

Oh yes, he remembered alright.

"It's the day where my wife is going to kick me out of house," Morgan griped.

"Morgan," Hotch said, "if today is Sunday, we're in deep trouble."

"Pen is going to skin me alive no matter what day it is! Especially if she knows where I'm now…"Morgan stated with certainty and no small amount of fear. "I promised her that we are going to…wait a minute…did you say Sunday?" he stared at Hotch.

Morgan's eyes widened, pain forgotten for the moment, as he focused on the implication of the day.

Sunday.

They had decided to have the bachelor party on Saturday evening, promising the girls that they wouldn't do anything foolish and would be at the venue with plenty of time to spare.

Hotch remembered that they had rolled their eyes as one and turned away from them, accompanied by loud unified laughter.

And now? If it was Sunday, all four of them were in very deep trouble, except perhaps for Reid, since he seemed to get roped into the whole thing by happenstance.

The quote William Congreve wrote in "Mourning Bride", _'Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned. Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.'_

It was strange that quote came up as he imagined _her_ expression if he was not _present_ at _their _wedding.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Morgan was shaking his head, "I'm in deep shit!"

"You?" Hotch looked at him incredulously, "What about me?"

More thoughts of her dumping her bouquet and flinging the wedding ring at him was prevalent at the moment, he didn't need Morgan to remind him of how he had screwed up… Royally.

Morgan snapped his head up, "Oh crap Hotch! I'm so sorry! Here I am worrying about me and not thinking about you…and boy, are you in deeper shit than me!"

"Shut up, Morgan," Hotch began to shake Reid's shoulder, attempting to wake him. Maybe younger man could shed some light on their plight. Hotch chuckled slightly when he thought of the rhyming words but winced immediately when one of the drums banged loudly in the back of his head, accompanied by the loud clash of cymbals.

Patting his pockets, Morgan frowned, "Where's my cell-phone? My wallet! Hey, I think we've been robbed!"

Hotch sighed, "Don't be an idiot. Our 'hosts' must have taken them." He searched his pockets anyways.

Everything was gone, just as he had suspected.

Hotch leaned back against the concrete wall, having given up his attempt at rousing Reid. He rubbed his face again and felt rough stubble around his jaw.

"What the hell time is it anyways?" Morgan asked as he yawned loudly.

"I don't know. My watch is gone as well."

"This really sucks."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Hotch nodded but stopped as those drums threatened to multiply.

Then a new voice came from the direction of the bars. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the BAU unit chief and the Chocolate God awaken finally. I see Boy Wonder and the Godfather still sound asleep."

…

Well, please let me know what you think of this so far!

Thank you!

Lizzie


	3. Chapter 3

Lots of hits! Yeah! Thank you to those who took the time to review! And to those reading this, thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't own CM or its characters!

Enjoy!

.

**Moonshiners and Pink Booties**

**Part 3**

Hotch and Derek looked at each other and then back to the man on the other side of the bars.

Aaron stepped forward, taking the lead. "Obviously you have the advantage of er, knowing who we are but…"

Morgan chimed in, "Those names, how did you know about them?"

Lt. Daniels chuckled, hands in his pants pockets, and nodded as he explained, "I'm Lieutenant Charles Daniels also known as your baby sitter for the night. 911 received a call from a scared and concerned neighbor in the Oak Valley community. She said that there were four men wandering about her neighborhood laughing and being a nuisance."

Hotch and Morgan, despite the unwelcomed pain in their heads, had gotten up from the cots and moved to stand in front of the bars facing the law enforcement officer.

The Lieutenant continued with much amusement, "When my boys responded to the call, they found you fellas swinging on the swings at the community park. My boys asked for your IDs and you," he indicated Hotch, "told them that all of you worked for the FBI and that you're the BAU Unit Chief. Your friend here," pointing at Derek, "laughingly identified himself as the Chocolate God."

Morgan cringed when he saw the amused look on the Lieutenant's face. _Did I really say that?_

"The skinny one there told them he was Boy Wonder and," he pulled out a memo booklet from his breast pocket and flipped to a page, "Ah! Boy Genius with a 187 IQ, eidetic memory and that's when Chocolate God here nudged the walking bean-pole and added that he was also known as Pretty Boy. Grandpa there was giggling…"

"Giggling?" Hotch and Morgan exclaimed.

Lt. Daniels nodded as he continued reading from the memo pad. "Yup, he was giggling and said to not mess with you fellas and that he was the original Godfather." He stopped and looked at the two, whose bottom jaws had dropped low, almost to their chests.

"Obviously, you were all inebriated. As soon as my boys verified who you were, they decided that the best thing for you guys was to spend a night here and sober up before you really became nuisances."

The lawyer in Hotch nudged the drums and cymbals aside and spoke up, "Are we being charged with public nuisance?"

The LEO shook his head, "Nah, just stay here until you're sober and then we'll let you out."

Hotch and Morgan's shoulders sagged in relief; they didn't realize that they were so tensed.

"Okay, so…" Hotch tried to think but the percussions came back causing him to wince but managed to say, "What time were we brought in?"

Lt. Daniels told him that it was about 10pm, five hours ago.

"You mean it's three in the morning?" Derek exclaimed.

"That's about right," confirmed the Lieutenant.

"In the morning, you said we can leave…what time will that be?" Derek asked hopefully; he had promised his wife he would be home no later than two.

The LEO shrugged his shoulders, "Our rule here is 12 hours in the 'tank', that should be plenty of time to get sober. And you even get fed breakfast. Just think of this as your 'bed and breakfast' joint!" He began to laugh causing Hotch and Morgan cringed as the man's laughter was rather animated.

"12 hours!" Hotch exclaimed, his face began to pale as he did a quick calculation. "That's going to cut it really close but…"

"We can make it. A really quick shower and change, that shouldn't take too long," Derek said optimistically. Of course, he still had to figure how to explain his absence from the promised time home until after 10 the next morning.

"There's no chance of us getting out before the 12th hour is up?" Hotch asked pleadingly.

The Lieutenant shook his head, "Nope. 12 hours, no less."

Hotch privately wondered at how they had determined the time frame where it would take 12 hours. Although, his hurting head agreed that it would take about that amount of time to properly sober up.

"Great. I promised her that I'd behave and be home by two," Derek groaned as he leaned against the bars, letting the cold metal cool his forehead. _So seriously in trouble!_

"Well, wish I could help but," the LEO said and shrugged his shoulders. "Rules are rules." He grinned unsympathetically as he rocked on his foot.

_Great! We have a baby sitter that's taking a perverse delight in our plight_, Hotch thought as he too, leaned against the cold bars.

"By the way," the 'baby sitter' continued, "You guys are not on call or something, are you?"

The two agents tilted their heads back to the LEO and slowly shook their heads.

"Why?" They asked in unison.

Twisting his top half of his body towards a desk behind him, Lt. Daniels pointed at a pile, "We've got your phones there and they've been buzzing angrily as a hive of bees for the last half hour or so."

His headache momentarily forgotten, Hotch frowned; _they were on stand down. __Chief Strauss knew that the team had a personal matter to take care of and surprisingly was co-operative. So who could it be?_

"It must be the girls," Derek suggested, he too was spotting a worried look.

Hotch nodded, agreeing that that would be the only answer. "Could we make a call please?" he directed to the Lieutenant.

Daniels nodded figuring he could allow the professional courtesy and asked Hotch to identify his phone. Once done, he picked it out of the stack and handed it to Aaron before moving off and allowing the men a little privacy.

He groaned as he saw the numbers of missed calls; 20!

_Twenty missed calls! __What in the world?_

"What?" Derek asked.

"Twenty missed calls," Hotch replied as he began to type in codes to access his voice mails.

No messages were left. He began to worry; _what happens if she…_

"Hotch, talk to me," Morgan urged.

"I don't know. No messages. She wouldn't call unless …" He pressed one button on his phone and before it could ring, it was answered.

"Where the hell are you, Aaron Hotchner? I've been trying to get a hold of you and was this close to calling the police!"

Hotch winced, Morgan's eyes widened dramatically. He could hear every word _she_said…no, yelled at the other man.

Holding the phone a foot from his ear; it was as if Jack was trying to play the clarinet and too much for his overly sensitive hearing.

"Damn! She's pissed!"Derek was trying to retreat but bumped against a wall; the cell was that small.

"Derek, is that you? PGM is really pissed at you! You have missed your curfew and she's steaming!"

Derek gulped hard; he was not looking forward to going back home.

"Aaron! Are you there?" Hotch closed his eyes at the sound of her voice. His hands slightly shaking and it was not from all the alcohol he had consumed earlier.

"I'm here, sweetheart." Hotch was surprised to find voice sounded shaky. Her voice was shrilled; he had never heard her like that! In fact, they had never had a cross word since they've been together. If she was having…and he had promised her that he would be by her side no matter what.

But it was not to happen until next month!

"Don't you sweetheart me, Aaron Hotchner! I need you to…"

Suddenly through the phone, there was a loud moaning accompanied by a long scream.

"Honey? Talk to me! What's happening?" Hotch was getting frantic.

"Hotch?" JJ's stressed voice came over the line.

"JJ! What's going on?" Hotch asked again, his voice a pitch higher.

"You'd better get to the hospital, Hotch. I…"

_Shiiiitttt! This is not what they said! Oh my god! This fucking hurts!_

_Shh, your doctor said not to, er, yell. _Through the phone they could hear Garcia attempting to soothe the other woman.

_Fuck the doctor!_

Hotch and Morgan _'ooh'ed_with realization of what was happening.

_Aaron Hotchner! You are so going to get it!_

"But sweetheart!" Hotch tried to sound sympathetic. "I…you need to breathe like they teach you."

_Breathe! What the hell do you think I'm doing!_

As the truth sunk in, Hotch glared at Morgan, who had the nerve to smile, but he had a more urgent situation to deal with than wanting to wipe that smirk off Derek's face:

He or more accurately, his fiancée was having a baby, the morning of their wedding day!

…

Please, let me know what you think!

Thank you,

Lizzie


	4. Chapter 4

Hi all! So glad you like this so far! Now, on to Part 4!

Enjoy!

.

**Moonshiners and Pink Booties**

**Part 4**

"Hotch! What?" Morgan asked as he watched Hotch's face turn pale; he thought the other man was about to toss his 'cookies' and looked about rapidly for a trashcan.

JJ's voice came on again, "Hotch, you guys better get here quick! The doctor said the baby is on its way now!"

"But the baby is not due till next month!" His voice was getting panicky.

"_Well, let me tell you, Aaron Hotchner, the baby is not waiting __anymore!"_Hotch shut his eyes when he heard _her_ angry voice near the phone.

"Oh god! I… JJ, um we're in a little bit of a jam."

Silence.

"Hello?" Hotch called out, thinking the connection had severed.

"What do you mean a little jam?" JJ was whispering then Hotch and Morgan flinched when they heard another scream and…

"_This __fucking hurts! Whoever said childbirth is a wonderful thing needs to be shot! Where is my __gun?"_

"Oh dear…Hotch, whatever jam you are in, you need to unjam it fast." JJ's voice was two octaves higher than before.

Then, Penelope's distant voice came over through the speaker, "Oh my god! I can cuss but she…those words coming from her mouth… I've never even heard of some of them before! The nurses have refused to enter the room. We are acting liaisons for them and her!"

Derek frowned when he heard Penelope's pleas. She never pled before in her life!

Taking a deep breath, Hotch nodded to himself and spoke up, his eyes intense through the haze of pain, "We're in jail."

"_You're __what?"_ shrieked JJ.

Hotch almost dropped the phone, he'd never heard JJ scream before.

He pressed the speaker mode, deciding to conserve his eardrums; he didn't want to go through the pain he felt after New York and the bombing.

"Damn! We're in deep shit!" Morgan exclaimed; he too had never heard JJ over react before so if she was this concerned, it was worse than they thought.

"I take it David is with you?" she asked angrily.

"Uh…yeah?" Hotch's voice sounded tentative at best and only served to escalate JJ's ire.

"Of all the trouble you guys could get into! I can't believe it! This is the last time we're going to let you guys out by yourselves! What about Reid?"

"Um…he's with us, too." Hotch felt his bravado slipping even further as her voice went through a complete range of emotions in one sentence.

"Tesoro? Is that you?" a gruff voice said from behind the two.

Hotch and Morgan turned to see Dave attempting to stand. After wobbling a bit he finally stumbled sideways and ended up tripping over Reid. As he fell hard on the young man, his head banged hard on the concrete wall.

"Oaf! Goddamn it! Who put…oh Reid! What the fuck is he doing here?" Dave asked groggily as he massaged his forehead. "Fuck that hurts!"

"Dave! What happened?" JJ was yelling again but at least this time she sounded concerned.

"Where are you, Mio amore?" Dave looked around, blinking his eyes rapidly as he fought to focus them.

Morgan went over to him and quickly explained to Dave what was happening.

"Oh shit!" exclaimed Dave. He squinted at Hotch, "Did you tell her where we're at?"

Hotch nodded.

Dave glared at him, "Why the hell did you do that? Now I'm in the doghouse!"

"David Rossi! You better man up and not try and blame this on Hotch! You were the one insisting on going to Matteo's!"

"But he makes the best stuff!" Dave tried to reason with her.

"Moonshine is illegal!" she yelled out.

"Shhhh!" Dave, Morgan and Hotch shushed on the phone at the same time as Hotch and Morgan eyed the LEO who was sitting at the desk, reading a book.

"Don't shush me! You guys are in deep trouble, you know that? Especially you, Hotch!"

"_Oh __boy! Here comes another __one!" _The guys could hear _her_ yelling out again.

"Another what?" Hotch panicked.

"Contractions, Hotch, are you paying attention to what I'm telling you? The baby is coming right now!" JJ screeched again, not understanding how a man that was normally so focused seemed to be completely dense at the moment.

"Um…Honey!" Hotch yelled on the phone, "Breathe short breaths! Like this," he began to breathe out the technique he learned in Lamaze class they attended.

"_Fuck __breathing! Damn you Aaron Hotchner! Where the hell are __you? And __I'm not having this kid before we are __married!"_

The men winced.

"Sweetheart…" Hotch's tone was placating as he tried to calm her down.

"_Don't __you sweetheart me, __asshole!"_

"Ooh!" Morgan and Dave exclaimed.

"But babe! Just hang in there! It will be over soon. Are your contractions are very close?" Hotch tried to console her through the phone.

"_Hang__in there! Hang in __there he says!…I'm on my fucking back, my feet __in __stirrups, legs spread __and wide open for the entire world to __see…and __you want me to hang in there? Who came up with that? God, I'm gonna shoot someone if they tell me to hang in there again! Where is my fucking __gun?"_

Hotch blushed at her descriptions, "Honey…I didn't mean…"

"_Honey? Don't call __me that, you shit head! This is all your fault! You're never gonna __touch me ag…Ooh! Damn you, Aaron __Hotchner!"_

The men sucked in their breaths as they heard her going through the breathing techniques.

"Um…breathe…there…" Hotch was turning red as Emily breathed and swore his name again and again.

Morgan and Dave tried to hold it in, but finally their breath came out in a whoosh as they begin to laugh!

Morgan, gasping for air, said to Dave, "Man, I'm glad I'm not in his shoes."

"_Derek?"_ Penelope's angry voice came through the line.

"Yes, my one and only," Morgan's face fell when he heard her voice.

"_I __heard you laughing. __You have no place to do that! When it comes time for us, you better be by my side! Or so help me, __god!"_

"Oh sweetness…you know I'll be," he said smoothly, trying to calm her ruffled feathers.

"_Don't __you sweetness me! If it weren't for your grand idea of having a bachelor party, Hotch would have been here to hold her hand! Ow, ow, ow! __Ease up on the hold! God! I think she broke my hand! Hotch you're going to pay for my medical __bills!"_

"But Pen! I just wanted Hotch to enjoy…" Derek tried to soothe.

"Hey!" Hotch looked at him, "I was perfectly fine with a barbecue party at home."

"But didn't you say you were glad that…"

"_Now __is not the time to argue about that! I'm in fucking __labor!" _They heard several panted breaths over the line and thought for a moment that she was finished before she picked up louder than before._"I __change my mind! I'm not __waiting __till we're married. This kid is coming out now! Where's Dr. Bells? I need more drugs! Someone get the fucking doctor, he's gotta get this pod out of me! And damn you, Aaron __Hotchner!"_

"Wow, I hope you guys decide to just have this one." Dave marveled. "I don't think I can go through listening to that again! Then again, she might have you get a vasectomy," Dave said, his eyes wide opened.

"_Vasectomy?"_she yelled, "_He's __going to be __castrated!"_

Hotch blushed even more as Morgan and Dave, unconsciously, put their hands protectively on their 'boys'.

Dave tipped his head in curious thought. "Why does she keep calling you by your full name?"

Hotch looked down at his shoes. "When she's pissed at me, she uses my whole name."

Morgan laughed again, "She sounds like my mom when I was little and in trouble!"

"_Derek __Cornelius Morgan! __Laugh at Hotch again and __you'll be washing dishes for the rest of your __life!"_ Penelope yelled out loud.

Morgan jerked upright when he heard his full name and he looked around quickly, for a moment he thought his mother was really here. Then he realized it was his Pen and he sighed.

Dave arched an eyebrow at him, "She got your number, don't she?"

Morgan buried his face in his hands, "You have no idea, man. I hate doing dishes."

"Cornelius?" Dave asked with a chuckle.

Morgan looked at Dave, "I'm named after my dad's favorite football player, Cornelius Bennet."

"Oh! He used to play for the New York Giants," Dave nodded.

"_FOOTBALL? You guys are talking about FOOTBALL NOW? Let me tell you… Ohh Shit! This is not going to fucking work! OH MY GOD! Get the kid out! JJ, where's the damn fucking scalpel? I'll get this kid out myself! There's got to be one around here! OHHhhh!_

_Damn you Aaron__Hotchner!"_

"Geez, is she having a baby or an elephant?" the LEO called out. "She sure can cuss like a sailor! I have had men in here that can cuss but this lady here out-cussed them! I never knew you can turn a given name into a cuss word?" he nudged his chin toward the phone.

Hotch blushed again. _This __is __not happening to me!_

"Look, my fiancé is having this baby right now; surely you can let us go? I'm going to be a dad."

The LEO shook his head, "No can do, boys. Rules are rules and besides, Judge Morrow is the one who decides what is what and right now, he's at the hospital. His daughter is having a baby too. And since he's not available, my hands are tied."

"That's just great. Real great," Hotch closed his eyes in defeat.

"_Oh my god, Aaron! This is so not happening! Please…" _Hotch's heart constricted when he heard _her_ plaintive plea and he felt all the worst part of a heel; he should be there with her, holding her hand and helping her through this!

"Sweetheart…we can't. I'm er, stuck and won't be ou…I mean back until after 10am and…and you're about to deliver our baby…and…and I can't see how!" Hotch urged.

"_Stuck? __Stuck? Let me tell you about stuck, buster! This kid is stuck in between my legs and if she comes out entirely before we say 'I do', her last name will not be __Hotchner!"_

Morgan and Dave stared at each other wide eyed and speechless; they believed that she would carry out her threat!

Hotch, his face paler than before, was desperately trying to figure a way when he looked up and saw the Lieutenant grinning at him; evidently, he had heard the last part as well. But Hotch was not paying attention to the man's grin, instead a pair of cymbals clashed painfully together in his head. As the clanging noise slowly dissipated, he was hit again but this time it was not the incessant noise.

Calling to the LEO, "Lieutenant, didn't you say the judge is at the hospital?"

…

So…Like? Don't like? Let me know!

One more part to go!

Thank you

Lizzie


	5. Chapter 5

Hellooo! Here is the last part of the story! I hoped you had a good laugh over these guys…thank you to all who reviewed! And thank you for taking the time to read this story!

Again, this story would not be as it is if it weren't for Brandywyne Walker…Lady Brandywyne! Thank you ever so much for your help in getting this story up to par! So, this story is dedicated to you!

Enjoy!

Don't forget…please review!

.

**Moonshiners and Pink Booties**

**Part 5**

The LEO nodded, looking up from his book.

Then Hotch spoke urgently into the phone, an idea already forming in his mind. "JJ."

"Yeah, I'm still here," her voice calmer than before.

"The only judge in this county is at the hospital, he's about to become a grandfather. I'm sure he's in a real good mood, so…"

"So you want me to hunt him down, try to convince him to marry you two over the phone?"

Hotch nodded enthusiastically, "Exactly."

"I'll see what I can do. You owe me big, Hotch!" JJ said firmly.

Hotch heard JJ handed the phone to Penelope and said, _"Sweetie, hang in…oh god, don't shoot me…I'll be right back. Don't you dare have this baby without me!"_

Dave grinned, "That's my girl! She can do it!"

"_David Rossi, you're not out of the doghouse at all! You and Mudgie are going to change beds!"_

Dave rolled his eyes but he was grinning; he knew she was not very mad at him and he would make up to her…

"What are you grinning, old man?" Hotch groused. He hoped JJ was able to find that judge fast.

"_JJ! Don't leave me alone with her!"_ Penelope yelled. "_No, no…I don't want to hold your hand anymore! __Hello! Someone…help me?"_

"_Penelope Garcia-Morgan! Quit your damn whining and get over here…ooh! It's getting harder…shit! This kid better be cute as a button or this is so not worth it! Next time, I'm going for a fucking Caesarian!"_

Hotch turned to Morgan and Dave and spoke with relief clouding his voice. "She said 'next time'…I'm not going to get a vasectomy…there's hope for me!"

"_It's castrated, Aaron Hotchner! There's a fucking difference! You're still going to get it if the kid comes out … Shiiiit! The fucking pain! That fucking epidural is … not fucking working … at all! DAMN YOU AARON HOTCHNER!"_

"Come on, JJ!" Hotch muttered under his breath. Turning his attention back to the phone and speaking clearly enough so that she could hear him he tried again to calm his soon to be wife down again. "Breath, honey, breath."

"_I__am breathing, you fucking__ass! What do you think I've been doing__the__past couple__of__hours!"_

"_Emily, the doctor said not to er, yell. __It'll stress the baby."_ Penelope tried to console her.

"_Stress the baby? What about me? I'm fucking stressed up to my damn eyeballs! Oooohhh!"_

Hotch closed his eyes as he leaned against the cold metal bars as he silently prayed to whomever would listen; _please take care of her for me?_

"_Em, please!"_Penelope pled as the guys heard her sobbed.

"_Just shut up about that stress shit! Come here and hold my hand!"_

Whimpering, Penelope uttered,_"Oh dear…I…I…OOOWWWW! Emily! Damn you Hotch! This should be__your hand she's__breaking!"_

"Come on, JJ…hurry up!" Morgan looked upwards. "Hang in there, my goddess! Hang in there!"

"_Derek sweetheart, much as I love you dearly but if you said 'hang in there' again, I'll take Emily's gun and shoot you myself!"_

Morgan closed his eyes, "Yes mamma."

Hotch's hand was rubbing continuously at his face.

Hotch opened his eyes when he heard JJ, "_Okay! I got him…please hurry up, Judge Morrow…"_

_About time!_Hotch thought.

"_Let me breathe, young lady! __I'm 61 years old, for goodness' sake!" _a male voice was heard, wheezing and huffing.

"_Sorry, sir but she's ready to pop anytime_," JJ said.

Another voice came through the phone, "_Okay, let's see how far along we are, shall we Emily?"_

"_Not now, Dr. Bells, I'm getting married right this moment."_

"_Uh…the chart says you are ready. __The__baby's__head is__crowning." _Dr. Bells' calm voice came through the speaker phone.

"_Oh no, you don't, Butterbean! Stay in there! Mamma's gonna tie the knot right now!"_

"_Can we get this started? I want to get back to my grandson…he's my first grand kid!" Judge Morrow said, his breathing having finally returned to normal._

The guys heard the doctor sigh, "_I'll be right back. __You have two minutes before she comes out whether I'm here or not. __Someone might want to stand here and catch the__baby__if she decides to spring out."_

"_Oh dear!"_JJ and Garcia uttered.

"Funny the doctor should say 'spring out'," Dave chuckled.

Hotch glared at him.

"_So, the dad is in my jail? Drunk?"_

The guys heard the judge laughing and cringed with the knowledge that their secret was out.

"_What! Aaron, are you fucking kidding me? Why the hell are you in jail?" her voice was shrieking._

Hotch flinched, "Honey, we…got a little drunk…"

"_Yes, yes…" _the judge interrupted._ "You can explain that later; let's get the show on the road."_ he cackled. _ "I've always wanted to say that."_

"Great, we have Johnny Carson-wanna-be for a judge," Hotch uttered softly.

Dave and Morgan laughed.

"_Dearly beloved_," began the judge on the other side, "_we are gathered here…"_

"_Uh…Judge sir…We need to speed this__up a bit_," a worried Garcia's voice said. "_I…I…see the forehead…oh!"_

"_Fine, fine…will you, uh…"_

"_Emily Prentiss!"_ Emily screamed through a labored push.

"_Okay…Emily Prentiss take …uh…"_

"Aaron Hotchner," Hotch said.

"_Take Aaron Hotchner for your husband, to hold and to…okay okay, stop waving at me, blah, blah, blah…?"_

"_I…DO! URGH!"_

Dave and Morgan were almost on their knees laughing uncontrollably, Hotch glared at them, already planning the vast number of ways he was going to get revenge on them for this fiasco.

"_And do you Aaron Hotchner take Emily Pr…"_

"I do!" Hotch cut the judge.

"_Oh…yeah…good…I pronounced you two husband and wife…Oh god! The baby!" _the elderly man yelled.

"_Catch it!"_ JJ and Garcia screamed.

Then Penelope's shocked voice exclaimed, "_I'm going to get the doctor!"_

"What's going on?" Hotch yelled at the phone.

Suddenly, the guys heard a very healthy crying through the phone and Aaron's eyes teared up at the first sound of his daughter's first cries.

Dave and Morgan went up to Hotch and patted him on the back, "Congratulations Hotch! Well, make that a double congrats! Marriage and a baby, all within a minute's time. I think that's a record!"

Hotch couldn't speak, just nodded; he was choked up with tears.

"_Congratulations, young lady…it's a girl! Oh my, I just delivered a baby! Oh man!"_

"_Thank you, Judge Morrow! __We'll get the paperwork over to the court on Monday_," JJ said.

"_That's fine, enjoy your new baby and your new marriage…bless you guys, you're gonna need it!"_Hotch thought the judge sounded quite gleefully.

"_Sir!"_ JJ uttered.

"_I'm joking! Okay, I'm out of here! __I have to go back and see my grandkid!"_

"_Thanks again, Judge…bye…"_Emily's tired voice said.

"_Hotch, oh…she's gorgeous! I'm taking a picture of her and send it to you now." _JJ said.

"Thanks JJ!" Aaron smiled.

A minute later, he saw that the picture was in and opened it and gulped hard as more tears pooling in his eyes; _she was gorgeous!_

Morgan and Dave leaned in and looked at the picture.

"Aw Hotch, she's a cutie! Oh man! She's got your dimples!" Derek exclaimed.

_She's going to be a heartbreaker!_ JJ gushed.

"Hotch," Dave began, "you two never told us what you guys were going to name her."

"Want to do the honors, Emily?" Hotch asked his voice soft with emotion. "Em?" Hotch began to worry when she never answered him.

"_I'm here…and I'm so…she's so beautiful, Aaron!"_

Hotch smiled softly, he knew Emily was crying.

"_Butterbean_," Emily said gently.

Morgan frowned, "Butterbean? Butterbean Hotchner?"

Hotch chuckled, "She's pulling your leg. We've decided to name her…"

"Hey! What's going on? Why are we here?"

The guys turned to back of the cell and saw Reid sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

…..

THE END

Thank you all for reading this story! Hoped you'd enjoyed it!


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